The New Kid at School
Anykids: “New Kid” and Sister (both nameless)
Cast: Mark and Julene
Synopsis: Dad gets a promotion and moves the family to a larger town. But the “New Kid” is having trouble fitting in at school and can’t seem to make any friends.
Songs: Bus (Mark David, Natalie Nucci), Jump in the Fire (Mark, David Sidoni, Dominic Lucero, Ivan Dudynsky), MC Hamster (Alfred Carr), Let Me be Your Friend (Crystal Lewis, Mark)
Sketches: Families, Mutual of Ohmigosh one Suburban Kingdom, 1-555-LONELY, Cool Dude Boot Camp, New Kid Tricks, Cred-A-Friend
Moral: If there’s a new kid at school, be nice to them.
Non-moral: The bus is always worse than the Exorcist and Nightmare on Elm Street.
Quote: Stop tying up the phone down there!
RTTSARTC: John
The Perfect New Family
Anykids: Joey and Jennifer
Cast: Dominic and Crystal
Synopsis: Joey and Jennifer don’t like their family, but Ed McMayonnaise gives them a “new family” made of androids.
Songs: We’re a Family (John Crane, Shawn Daywalt, Crystal Lewis, David Sidoni), Back Where We Belong (Dominic Lucero)
Sketches: The Family, Dadnet, The Sympathizer, The Siblings Court, The Home Dentistry Kit, Grounded Boy, The Stash-Matic Adjustable Bed
Moral: Families aren’t perfect. Live with it.
Non-moral: Never tell Grandma you have a diarrhea problem.
Quote: I got the eight-track player.
RTTSARTC: Dominic
Sports (Last One Picked)
Anykids: Calvin and Angie
Cast: Dominic and Crystal
Songs: Flop Sweat (Dominic Lucero), I Can Dream (Crystal Lewis)
Synopsis: Dad forces Calvin to play baseball even though he sucks hosewater at it, and Angie tries out for the track team again Dad’s wishes
Sketches: Blunder Years, Share Jordans, Paula Abdul-Jabbar, Cheaties, Sheebok Pump training bra, Split center for cheer-a-holics, Stink-ups, Phone sneaker, Chair Jordans, A Little League of their Own, Hosewater, Body Blinders, Beverly Hills 90210
Moral: if you don’t think you’ll do good in sports, keep practicing and don’t let your dreams down. If your heart’s into it, you can do it!
Non-moral: there’s never an end to the official endorsements used by the U.S. Olympian Team.
Quote: The pool, okay?
RTTSARTC: Shawn
Notes: The song “I can Dream” won a Cable Ace Award
School Daze
Anykid: Vinny
Cast: Ivan
Songs: Substitution, Sex Education
Synopsis: Vinny has a huge crush on his teacher, Miss Riker, but he’s having trouble in school and won’t go on the field trip with her unless his grades go up!
Sketches: Little Shop Teacher of Horror, My Dog actually did eat my homework, Disobedience, Field Trip of Dreams, New Age Math, Ready-Letter, Mayonnaise Helper (a.k.a. John eats mayonnaise!), Parent-Teacher conference
Moral: you should always keep your grades up, and not let crushes get in the way.
Non-Moral: There’s more than one place for you to hide notes during a math test
Quote: You’re son’s an idiot! You want proof?
RTTSARTC: Julene
Notes: While the end credits are running, Ivan runs into the audience and shakes hands with a young woman. She is pre-Felicity, current Micky Mouse Club castmember, Keri Russell. Bass guitarist John Pena has a line in this episode, and Ivan choreographed the dance bumpers
Individuality (Dating)
Anykid: Mikey
Cast: Dominic
Songs: Be a Rebel (Dominic Lucero, Ivan Dudynsky, David Sidoni), I only want to be Me (Crystal Lewis)
Synopsis: Mikey wants to date a girl who’s different, but ends in a disaster when he tries to get her to change her hair
Sketches: Elvis: I’m back and I’m black, Cool Aid, Booger Bran, P.A.S., Mijantoyito Jackson, Bag Your Face, Boxing Match
Moral: don’t try to change people if they’re different. You may end up getting your butt kicked.
Non-moral: Just because your dad uses the word “butt” a lot doesn’t mean that you’re gonna get away with saying it.
Quote: You may think it’s nutritious but your kids will think it’snot!
RTTSARTC: John
Notes: Either this episode or School Daze was the first Roundhouse episode ever filmed.
Abusement Park (Growing Up)
Anykids: Millie and Bratman
Cast: Crystal and Sid
Songs: Self Conscious (Mark David, Natalie Nucci), Road Kill, Do Not Care (Crystal Lewis)
Synopsis: Millie’s biggest goal is to impress Dylan Mark Chadly, the hottest guy on the earth, but she’s at the park with her dysfunctional family and afraid of being around him with her family!
Sketches: Star Trek, Bratman, Academy of Parental Irritation, Interstate House of Pancakes, Whoopie! I’m next, Relator, Momnivision, Smoggy Bear, Doofy Dawg
Moral: don’t always try to impress the really hot guys. They may end up being worse than you think.
Non-moral: if someone asks for your ID, don’t give them a ticket stub to a New Kids on the Block concert.
Quote: Nobody flush, I’m gonna have this thing bronzed! RTTSARTC: John
TV on Trial
Anykids: Not named
Cast: Crystal and Seymour
Synopsis: The Anyfamily’s TV has been charged with instigating the downfall of American Society, decaying family values and airing Geraldo. It’s up to the Anyfamily to rescue their TV!
Songs: TV Head (Dominic Lucero), You be the Judge (Crystal Lewis, Natalie Nucci, Shawn Daywalt, Dominic Lucero, Mark David, John Crane), Don’t Make Me Give it Up! (John Crane, Crystal Lewis, Shawn Daywalt)
Sketches: Gilligan’s Island, Down and Out in Beverly Hills: 90210, Stuff it Honey, Mad Dog vs. Bigfoot, Leave it to Beaver the Lost Episode, Who’s Really the Boss? The 24-Hour Vegetable Channel, Soap Operas, Julene’s Exercise.
Moral: Don’t give up hope on your TV. Some people may actually like it!
Non-moral: If you're going to do arrobics with Julene, keep a crowbar handy. :-)
Quote: Pain? What do you know about pain? I just lost a sideburn in a terrible shaving accident!
RTTSARTC: Sid
Notes: Ivan choreographed this episode
Meat Market (Beauty Pageant)
Anykid: none
Cast: Shawn and John
Songs: Meat Market (Natalie Nucci), Airbrain
Synopsis: it’s a nasty competition for the title of the Miss American International Universal I-Look-Better-Than-You pageant!
Sketches: Hide & Go Freak, Oil of Okay, Boyfriend in a Bottle, Electroperm 2000, Girl Fight, Bonjovi, Pest Off, McSluff, Toilet Paperback Novels, Mad Max Factor
Moral: it doesn’t matter what you look like on the outside, it’s the inside that counts.
Non-moral: If you want the TRUE story of how the Brady Bunch got started, see Crystal!
Quote: Oh yeah? Well what kind of worn conditioner of dry hair color using skank makes you look like Shamu in a swimsuit? RTTSARTC: Micki
Notes: Natalie is shaking hands with three girls in the audience. Those girls are Michelle, Lenora and Sue, and you can read about the Roundhouse experiences here.
Times
Anykids: Not named
Cast: Micki, Mark, Seymour
Synopsis: The cast is going through a year in 24 minutes and 38 seconds! 37, 36, 35, 34…
Songs: Take Time (Micki Duran, Crystal Lewis, Alfred Carr), Times
Sketches: Groundhog Day, Growing Up, Stampons, Saving Money, Talk Waiting, Dad’s BBQ Tips, Blood Dry, Hellraiser Friday the 13th Chainsaw Massacre on Elm Street TWELVE! Barbo, Several Holidays Combined into One!
Moral: Sometimes the years go by fast, while other times they seem to crawl.
Non-moral: If you forget about Father's Day, do a dance bumper.
Quote: I don’t care, you are not going to lick my hair on national television!
RTTSARTC: Ivan
The Bully (Conflicts)
Anykid: John
Cast: Dominic
Synopsis: John Anykid is being picked on by Billy Rutnik and his dorky little accomplice (Seymour), until Mom comes to the rescue!
Songs: I’m a Bully (David Sidoni), Whole Lot More (Mark David, Dominic Lucero, John Crane, Shawn Daywalt, Natalie Nucci, Crystal Lewis)
Sketches: Bambo, 1st Blood, Part 7…or 8, Mad Dog vs. Big Foot Again, How Stupid Am I? Paula Abdul’s commercial, Cowardi Kid II, New Images, Sugar Frosted Cocoa Honey Sweetened Carmel Fudgies, Name that Song!
Moral: Conflicts don’t always have to lead to violence.
Non-moral: Men should never, EVER ask women what they have that men don’t.
Quote: Because like the ostrich hide his head in sand, you must learn to cover when bully beat clop out of you!
RTTSARTC: Alfred, Seymour, Mark, Crystal
Notes: This was the last first season episode filmed. And Dominic’s mother Lupe is somewhere in the audience.
Economy
Anykids: Ryan, Cindy and Mark
Cast: Mark, Micki and Dominic
Songs: Roundhouse Rap (Seymour Willis Green, Alfred Carr), Higher (Mark David), Still Waiting for Love (Shawn Daywalt)
Synopsis: The Anyfamily is behind on their bills, so unless they pay them off, they’ll lose the TV!
Sketches: Lifestyles of the Poor & Relatively Obscure, Crazy Daddy, National Chairographic Explorer, American Depressed Card, Recession, Shoe Shams, Bare Jordans, Money Man, Recession Concessions
Moral: getting a job isn’t the worst thing in the world!
Non-moral: don’t go digging around in the cushions of your dad’s chair!
Quote: Trust me on this one. You sir, are an autumn.
RTTSARTC: Shawn
Notes: Ivan choreographed this episode.
School Play
Anykid: Jodie
Cast: Natalie
Synopsis: Jodie wants to try out for the lead role in the school play, but her friend Melissa also wants it, and she has a Stage Mother to back her up!
Songs: Stage Mother (David Sidoni)
Sketches: The Rapper, Transitions, Arnold Schasenhousen, My Buttocks My Friend, Whities, IP&P, Flees Press On Lips
Moral: Let the director of the play decide who gets the lead role.
Non-moral: Never wear wax press on lips beneath hot stage lights.
Quote: Take the woman into your arms, look tenderly into her eyes...and snap her neck back sharply, breaking it in one quick motion!
RTTSARTC: Natalie
Politics (What If?)
Anykid: Jeff
Cast: Sid
Songs: Rockin’ the Vote (Natalie Nucci, Dominic Lucero, Crystal Lewis, David Sidoni), I Hate Big Books (Seymour Willis Green), I’ll be on Your Mind (Shawn Daywalt, Crystal Lewis, Natalie Nucci, John Crane, Mark David, Dominic Lucero)
Sketches: Kitties & Bits, Lex Lunchroom, Arsenio Hall Monitor, Big Hair in a Can, I’m a heartthrob, you’re a heartthrob, The Art of Quitting, Disaparents
Moral: don’t let a scandal pull you out of run for class president. Keep going! (I’m living proof of that!)
Non-Moral: A king of clubs beats two of a kind.
Quote: My friends and I had an ugly face contest. I won. I’m still winning.
RTTSARTC: Shawn
Notes: Guitarist Marty Walsh and bassist John Pena have two lines each. And Ivan choreographs this episode.
